The monolith

Cue “2001” music:





OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA…And a homeowner throws a strip of splintery wood into the air.

Fads are fun. If you read a lot of food blogs, you know it’s impossible to make dinner these days without deploying rooster sauce, Greek yogurt or kale. And if you read DIY blogs, you know no home is complete without a pallet project. A splintery, stained, rusty-nail-ridden pallet project.

You can make a pallet wood window box for the middle of your dining table:


Tasty! Or how about snuggling up at night with a pallet headboard?


That splintery wood is the perfect complement to 400-thread-count sheets. Now that you’re comfy, enclose your child in a pallet cocoon:


Why pallets? Why this cultlike beatification of worn-out low-grade wood? It’s not like we need to rescue them from landfills. They’re not easy to work with. More importantly, they’re actually ridden with disease. In fact, they’re completely repulsive and horrible in every way.

But hey! So is kale!

Nah, just kidding. Actually, I love kale. Might I recommend you fry some up with garlic? Or make a nice kale salad! Or kale pesto! Actually I haven’t tried that last one, but it’s got to be good, right? Right?

Pardon me while I go throw some leaves up in the air.




4 responses to “The monolith

    • And they don’t actually need to be recycled. Not by individuals, anyway. I’m going to talk about pallet recycling companies soon.

  1. Good to know about pallets. Free ones are so readily available, I’d thought about scavenging some mostly just as cheap-ass materials for my kids to try building with. I guess I will stick with lumberyards!

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