Plaper or Pastic?

There are lots of ways to reuse plastic bags. You can decorate trees with them:


Or fashion a tux:


And that’s much more useful, not to say attractive, than this tote bag.

Granny squares, man. I almost prefer its saggy pal:


These bags were created using Plarn, or “plastic yarn.” You can make it from old plastic grocery bags, and some call it a “phenomenon…the very pinnacle of upcycling chic.” Others* call it repugnant shit. Starting with the name. “Plarn”? It sounds like something they’d serve in the cafeteria in 1984.


But George Orwell would definitely wear this plarn hat.

The word “plarn” makes me even more nuts considering an infinitely superior name was just sitting there right in the gate. Of course, I’m talking about “Yastic.” It’s not even close. Yastic! It’s fizzy, kinetic. It wants to play. “Plarn” is a variant of Soylent Green made from tongues and toes.


So if you decide to make a tote bag out of old plastic bags… well, first you should reevaluate your priorities immediately…


Just stare at this picture until you attain a state of “clear.”

….but if you think it over and you’re still all “go,” and someone comes up to you in the cafe where you’re knitting and asks what that dun-colored spaghetti is that’s piled up next to your chair — and assuming you don’t want to say, “It’s the material embodiment of my used-up childhood dreams spread out like guts on a divination altar,” because your friends have told you that you tend to overshare — give the right answer.

Just say Yastic.

*Guess who?


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