I’m so passionately in love with this next item, I can hardly figure out how to write about it.
Never before has there existed such a flagrant, and butt-ugly, symbol of male sexual inadequacy. I can’t decide whether it’s more striking for its transparency or its general awfulness.
I mean, the guy went around digging umbrellas out of the trash and sawing off the handles, for Chrissake. How do you even find that many old umbrellas? We are seeing a powerful compulsion at work here. Powerful and disturbing.
Back to the artifact that is haunting my dreams. Picture it: there’s our artiste, and he’s sawed off all these umbrella handles. Then, having assembled a row of (mostly) big brown ones,* he felt compelled to add one little red one! Could you be any more subconsciously revelatory?
Hey! Dude! Freud called again, and he said something about an angry cat that hasn’t been fed in a while.
Oh, wait, that call is for me!
*RE “big brown ones,” you know I’m talking about the whole race/penis-size myth, right? No, I can’t tell you whether it’s valid, so sit down. Here’s an article to pore over if you’re that kind of person. Which I, obviously, am not.