Ruined globes: It gets worse

When I wrote about chalkboard-painted globes last month, I had real doubts about whether people would agree that ruining a globe is a disgraceful heresy worthy of… well, not stoning, but maybe pelting with decorative orbs?

montypython-lifeofbrian-stoners

Monty Python, orbing.

There’s a significant chunk of DIYers out there that believes old globes simply aren’t due the respect given to other vintage objects. Just look what these people did with their collection!

fireplaceLike they’re going to spark them up at any moment.

Even worse is “upcycling.” Here’s a web page with “10 Great Ways to Upcycle Globes,” like you’re just BURIED in old globes and it’s becoming a menace — the “globe” bin by the back door next to the newspaper and plastic-bottle bins is simply overflowing oh my GOD — but thank the merciful mothers, there’s a website with a few ways to address the infestation. And what ways!

You can stab a globe with a zillion thumbtacks to “make it fit a home with modern aesthetics…”

tacks

…which, while cool-looking, requires you to STAB A GLOBE WITH A ZILLION THUMBTACKS. For a quicker project, make a piggy bank. Er, a globey bank. Yes, that’s a slit with money poking out near the bottom.

bankThe site claims “this globe upcycling idea is beyond perfect” — BEYOND!! — “if you happen to be saving for a trip.” How do you get the money out? Bash the globe open with a bat like it’s a piñata?

You can also make a clock. “You will need only half a globe for this” — just in case you used the other half as a ceremonial chalice at last week’s invocation of Yog-Sothoth.

clockIt looks kind of like a boobie with a clock pasty. (Clock pasties being things that do exist.)

Look, idjits, it’s not upcycling to take something that, while old, is still functional and attractive and turn it into — what is this for, exactly?

wordsNo.

“Upcycling” is taking something that is indisputably trash, like, say, this cigarette butt:

139442_cigarette_buttAnd turning it into A FREAKING RUG.

cigarette_butts_rug cigarette_butts_rug_2By the way: Welcome, Metafilterians! Great to see you, but I must take issue with your description of this blog as a “slightly less drunk-sounding and slightly more cruel Regretsy.” For one thing, I’m thinker than you drunk I am! Hahahahaha!

Eh.

EDIT: As per the request of the maker, I’ve cut the last two pix. Also the commentary. Sorry, fellow meanies!

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10 responses to “Ruined globes: It gets worse

      • I see why you had to take the pictures down, but maybe you could leave the commentary and let people check the site out on their own? I looked up her globe “artwork” (she also mangles books, of course), and thought you must have had some hilarious things to say!

      • Aw that’s sweet! You are clearly a very nice person.

        Actually I didn’t have much to say beyond that they were ugly, so not to worry, no precious pearls have been lost.

  1. you are so rude and no wonder no one follow your blog , you have no imagination and is such a rude person, you do not see beauty in anything , I really do not like you at all

  2. i wanted to say the only thing beautiful about your blog is the fact that you have a baby kissing your face and i am surprised that he or she does that as you are a meanie !

  3. The fireplace globes are extra terrible! I can’t believe you have the stomach to look at all these awful “crafts”

  4. These are horrifying.

    We inherited an antique globe when Ed’s father died. It went into storage initially because we had no space for it, but when we moved into our current house, which has a room we refer to as the “library,” Ed moved the globe in there as soon as we found that box and reverently set it into place. Because globes are lovely — even cheap modern classroom globes are pretty cool looking — and an antique globe is a genuinely cool object (if not super useful for looking things up on, if you’re hoping to find the current country name of certain bits of Europe, Asia, or Africa.)

    (Also, the world needs more meanies willing to point at hideous DIY crafts and say “WHY? WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?”)

    • Yeah, I think any globe is cool. There are even some cool projects that wreck globes. I saw a pendant light shade made from half a globe that looked great.

      Have you read Regretsy, Naomi? It’s my model.

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