Readers! I bring you a Special Alert. A woman answering to the name of Kristan Lynn is Way Too Happy, and must be stopped.
“Don’t just live your life, love it!” is the slogan of KL’s blog, and she certainly fulfills it. You wouldn’t think it would be possible to get quite so excited about punching some holes in the lid of a laundry jug, but she manages. And manages, and manages.
I know this isn’t that ugly, but I have to rag on KL because she clearly came out waaaay ahead of me in the Innate Capacity For Joy sweepstakes, and I am jealous. (OK, I admit it, I didn’t even enter. I have a… problem… with scratchoffs.) Besides, upon investigation I found that the deceptively simple topic of punching some holes in the lid of a laundry jug is the subject of widespread fascination online. A little too widespread, actually.
It just goes on and on.
In fact — true story! — not five minutes after I found Kristan Lynn’s site I checked out Lifehacker and found this on the front page!
A whole VIDEO about this? For a minute, I thought I’d found something even more inane than that kid’s terrarium video from Tuesday. Either that or a form of masochistic porn for those people who have a phobia of little holes. (It’s called trypophobia, and may not be real, but this video is worth checking out for the horrible baby Surinam toads at 1:28.)
But no, it turns out the drill-holes-in-a-jug “tip” is just one of numerous so-called Household Hacks. (Remember when these sorts of things were just called Hints From Heloise? Now they make it sound like something an MIT grad is going to use to remotely crack a bank safe.) And what “hacks” they are! The laundry jug is actually the best of the bunch. We’re talking “polish your shoe with a banana peel” (doesn’t work even in the video); “cook an egg in an onion ring” (not unless you like raw onion); and “heat up a slice of leftover pizza in a pan on the stove” (leftover pizza? What are you talking about?)
We better not let Kristan Lynn see that video; her ecstasy at the prospect of making a spoon rest out of tinfoil would probably throw off the happiness curve even more. Actually, she throws off a lot of the curves. A quick look around her site turns up the dreadful revelation that she’s not just Way Too Happy, she’s Way Too Attractive!
Girl, what are you doing diddling around with laundry jugs? You should be out dating! Yes, I know you’re married, but you’re gonna have to dump him, because I’ve found a much better guy for you. It’s this gentleman, courtesy of PlanetSave.com.
“You would be surprised by how sturdy those labels can really be when left in tact [sic],” writes Prince Charming. “It might not look very comfortable, but the ridges actually fit well against the base of the foot to offer some support. Really.”
Earnest, innovative and inclined to spend his time pondering minutiae? I think we’ve got the perfect guy for Ms. Lynn — or, for that matter, any crafter ever featured on this blog! Ladies, get a move on!