Welcome to TMI Week here at Wretched! The next couple of posts will tell how to use your pelvis to save the earth. And to get us started…
There is a company that recycles sex toys.
You might think from this image that sex toy recycling requires you to put your items out on the curb next to the cans and newspapers. But nothing could be further from the truth! Actually, Sex Toy Recycling.com supplies you with a discreet mailer that, one can only assume, will suffice for all but the most generously orifice’d.
“While we sterilize all toys upon receipt, we would appreciate it if you wash your toy with soap and water before submitting it for collection,” pleads STR. One can only feel for them. Why, there was a time when you wouldn’t need to ask for such basic consideration. It just goes to show what’s become of manners in this day and age.
Still, it takes a lot of — well, you know — to get into this biz, if only to confront the stomach-churning recycling process. Using a technique “similar to that used to recycle athletic shoes into rubber surfaces for basketball courts, the rubber and silicone [are] ground up.” Gentlemen, you may wish to turn your eyes away from the following image.
I feel a twinge at the sight of that, and I don’t even have one. Er, either one. Anyhoo, they take this rubber mash and mold it into new toys, coating the outside with fresh silicone. “The result is a sex toy made of at least 95% post-consumer materials.” (Yes, as a matter of fact the company is in Portland! Why do you ask?)
Next, “Vibrators and other mechanical toys are sent to the skilled technicians in our repair department…”
NO, no, those are the underpants gnomes from South Park! Though, come to think of it, our folks are in a similar business. Here they are:
Look at that conveyor belt! Do you reckon the workers have a union? The International Brotherhood of Dilgineers. Alas, a shadow of its former self since Ronald Reagan fired all the latex technicians back in the ’80s.
The graphic designer behind the STR website had a lot of fun with the dildo trope. (When you were twiddling your pen in 12th-grade English, did you have any idea you’d ever come across the phrase “dildo trope”?) The images on the site hide that familiar outline in all sorts of surprising places. Can you find the 3 dildos in the company logo?
How about the dildo hidden in this picture of a tree?
Unfortunately, though, our artist occasionally goes too far. This next image suggests that toys are being put to uses that would terrify ordinary mortals.
I always knew those rabbit toys weren’t worth $60! Still, it’s strangely comforting to see that the stalwart butt plug was sturdy enough to withstand… well, whatever was done to the other ones. Fellas: If your dildos look like that, time to lay off the poppers!
(Is that joke dated? I think it might be dated.)